“People often worry that their kids won’t turn out the way they want them to. Since we don’t get to choose our kids personalities, we often try to force them into one. We must learn to adjust to our particular children and encourage them along their own paths.” -The Enneagram of Parenting by Elizabeth Wagele
I am Gaga Lala, a wife, a mother, a type 4 on the Enneagram and now a 1st time grandparent to a beautiful divine being 2 years on this earth! As I watch him grow, the question most often on my mind is “What is his type on the Enneagram?” I know this is not a question lightly answered. I have been studying the Enneagram for 10 years and still have much to learn myself. And so, our journey begins!
All types have both positive and negative aspects. And, of course, what is most important is being a thoughtful, caring, kind and understanding human all in the name of love. I absolutely practice all of this with my grandson. So, what are some of the do’s and don’ts of typing children?
Stay unbiased. Avoid stereotyping. Personality is both nature and nurture. So, LOVE is the key ingredient! Realize that we are human beings who just happen to have a personality structure called type.
Believing is not seeing. In believing what we see, we can further limit perceptions and life. Do not type the child from the outside.
Slow down granny! Most experts agree that personality type is not set until age 7. And, any teaching and testing really should not happen until age 10 or 11. Always be aware of the child’s development to apply the Enneagram correctly.
Work with the child’s inner observer. Meaning, even if you think you know their type, listen to them. Open your heart and let them show you their inner landscape. I was a floating romantic from the get-go and my Mother always encouraged my feelings of being different (she was a type 4 too).
Watch yourself and your type. Let your children give feedback. Keep it fun. And, most important of all, do this from a place of total love.
In Love Always,
Your child, ages 10 and over, can take a fun and interactive enneagram test on our website:
Typing and Types in Children, What Adults and Parents Need to Know by Dr. David Daniels, MD
The Enneagram of Parenting by Elizabeth Wagele